Dear Lisa on Top Chef,
Oh, I bet you think you're sooooooo very clever. Clever and sneaky. You might even be under the impression that you got away with that little thing you did with the eggs on episode 1. You probably didn't count on the Jewish girl who is learning to textually analyze media FOR A LIVING watching that episode, did you sweetheart? Well, she did and she's pissed off. Because, Lisa? The copy under that thing you made read like this: poached egg on toasted challah bread with lobster, spinach, hollandaise sauce & bacon. Yeah. No good, sister, no good. You have offended me by taking bread that my people use in religious ceremonies and smothering it with not one, but TWO of the the big super un-Kosher foodstuff. GROSS.
Love,
Jenn
PS-to make it up to me and get in the spirit of the season, I think you should be forced to cook only with ingredients that are Kosher for Passover. I can't wait for your matzah/marshmallow twist/weird-ass jelly fruit thing souffle!
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
867-5309 (Jenny, get it?!?!?!!?!? NOTE: That's not my phone number. Nor is it the number to an elite escort service. Text Spitzer for that info)
I love this. It's like a greatest hits list of political sex scandals! Also, what exactly do we think Spitzer had to promise to get his wife to stand next to him while he admitted how little his marriage meant to him on national television? I'm thinking that the toilet seat will never again be left up in the Spitzer household. Also, she probably has rights to his kidneys or any other vital organs, should she need them in the future.
In other "people acting arrogantly and not considering the consequences" news, I purchased a cell phone that is too cool, too fancy, and way too complicated for me to use
This is the largest phone ever produced. It's approximately the size of a newborn baby, and holding it up to my ear is giving me killer biceps (I can't balance it on my shoulder, the sheer weight of the thing would surely crack my clavicle in two). But I guess that's to be expected when a phone shares the name of a cruise ship I once went on. The phone is a tiny bit smaller, and lacks the amount of swimming pools.
I am seriously an advertiser's dream. I went into Verizon and the only thing that I absolutely knew that I wanted in a phone was its ability to fit in my pocket, as my old one did. But then I saw this one and thought ooooh! It's so shiny! And there is a touch-screen! And you can change the fonts! Seriously, the fonts were the major selling point for me. But I also bought my car because the gear shift in the middle of the front seats made me feel like I was driving stick and I thought that was cool, so clearly I don't always see the big picture when it comes to these things.
In other "people acting arrogantly and not considering the consequences" news, I purchased a cell phone that is too cool, too fancy, and way too complicated for me to use
This is the largest phone ever produced. It's approximately the size of a newborn baby, and holding it up to my ear is giving me killer biceps (I can't balance it on my shoulder, the sheer weight of the thing would surely crack my clavicle in two). But I guess that's to be expected when a phone shares the name of a cruise ship I once went on. The phone is a tiny bit smaller, and lacks the amount of swimming pools.I am seriously an advertiser's dream. I went into Verizon and the only thing that I absolutely knew that I wanted in a phone was its ability to fit in my pocket, as my old one did. But then I saw this one and thought ooooh! It's so shiny! And there is a touch-screen! And you can change the fonts! Seriously, the fonts were the major selling point for me. But I also bought my car because the gear shift in the middle of the front seats made me feel like I was driving stick and I thought that was cool, so clearly I don't always see the big picture when it comes to these things.
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