It's time to play another round of "There Is A Special Place In Hell For You"!

And today's contestant is: ding ding ding!! Come on down, People Who Put Their Feet On Your Chair And Tap And Kick Incessantly!! We have a booth on Level 3 for you. You want to take a right at the table of heathens, but if you reach the cannibals, you've gone to far. You know what, just ask Dante, he's down there anyway.

Oh, I am serious about this one, ya'll. You know who I am talking about; the people who sit behind you in class or in a movie theater and actually put their feet on the back of your chair. Because, you know, they can not see the body sitting in said chair. Yesterday I was blessed enough to sit in front of a guy who kicked my chair to the beat of "I Just Saw A Face" as we studied it in Beatles class. It was really precious how he thought that my big IU sweatshirt was so powerful that it wouldn't even detect the vibrations. No amount of over the shoulder glances affected this prize of a man.

Here's the thing; it doesn't actually cause any physical pain, and it is really more annoying than anything. But the reason why these people suck so hard? Because the blatant lack of give a fuck-itude they display to other people. They can sit in their chair undisturbed, but no, you can not. You must be kicked in the back by these assholes. If I wanted to get kicked all day, I would either be a soccer player or get pregnant (and OH MY GOD, totally off topic, but I was doing research for a story on infertility, and I was reading these message boards. And this one woman? Referred to having sex as...wait for it..."DOING THE BABY DANCE." And that is when your fair blogger spit her green tea all over her laptop because OH. MY. GOD. You may not get pregnant, but you can pretend like your husband is your son because, rest assured, he will never, ever see you as a sexual being ever again. And if he decides to try and view you as more than a human incubator, he will not be able to perform, as that dancing baby from Ally Mcbeal will be ingrained in his head.)

The ONLY reason I can see for accepting someone's foot on your chair is if they are like 7 feet tall. But here is the irony; I am tall, with long legs, and people with long legs like physically can't put their feet against the back of someone's chair. So it is a bunch of short asshats who do this. Seriously, COME ON. My fave Fort Wayn..ian, John is 6'3 and I guarantee when he sits down he is much more uncomfortable in a cramped space than you are, but he does not choose to rest his shoes on your shoulders. I will thank him on your behalf.

If you commit such a felony...seriously, do not even tell me about it. I will think that you suck. Chances are if we have gone to the movies together or to class and I have seen you do this, I have taken note and when judgment day rolls around, and I am undoubtedly called upon to help with the decisions of the fate of humanity... will probably conveniently forget about your ass.

But have no fear; it is never too late to grow into a human being.