Turn me on

Some brief TV talking points, if you will (and I know you, and you WILL)...

-What on earth was Wednesday like B.S. (Before Sawyer)? I don't remember such a world; I'll bet there was significantly less guilty lusting over slightly dirty, slightly angry, crazy hot Southern bad boys trapped on islands, I can tell you that much. What a dark time in the history of our species, for sure. Why didn't Sci-Fi-ish writers ever think about including sweaty shirtless men chopping wood in order to boost their viewership amongst women before? I could get down with Star Trek if that were the case

-Fox cancelled "Arrested Development", and yet....have added "Skating With the Stars" to their line-up. Dead serious here. What happens to silicone when exposed to frigid temperatures?! Can Antonio Sabato Jr. do a triple blah blah insert dumb ass skating term here?! Is it possible for my head to actually combust simply from viewing something so assinine that it pushes me right over the edge? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT.

-Speaking of my fave channel...what. Is. Up. With. The. O. C. FOR REALS. I watched it the other day and I was....kind of confused. First of all, WHY do they repeat literally the exact same plot every season?! It goes like this : Ryan, aka The Oldest High-Schooler Of All Tyme, And Yes Tyme Is Spelled In The Old Fashioned Way Because He Is So Olde That He Was Brought Home From The Hospital In A Horse And Buggy, is a bad boy. He gets Saved and he is Good and Popular and he wears Ralph Lauren. Then Marissa does something stupid/violent/illegal and almost bursts a blood vessel trying to "act" distraught about it (seriously...I think she's literally made of wood, ya'll). Ryan must return to his It's Very Hard Being A Young White Man In America, So Hard In Fact That When I Go To My Old Neighborhood The Video Is Shot In This Grainy Blue Filter So You Know How Hard My Life Is persona and change into his I Beat Bitches Up wifebeater and kick a little ass to defend her "honor" (which is taking a loooooooooooooong ass lunch at the Ivy with her Dignity and Acting Abilities) and then he gets in trouble and then he runs away because "Oh! I can't live with myself, I am a monster, I wonder what would happen if I just kicked this bitch to the curb, maybe I could have a successful life sans knife-fights, but oh no perish the thought because this is LOOOOOOVE." And THEN, and this is my favorite part, Adam "Self-Loathing Jew That All The Gentile Ladies Find Charmingly Neurotic And Want To Introduce To Jesus So He Can Save His Matzah-Loving Ass" Brody cries about losing his one friend, even though this friend is like 38 and shouldn't be hanging around him anyway, and then Eyebrows Mcgee swoops in and saves the day. AND THIS IS REPEATED EVERY SINGLE SEASON.

-Also, on the OC there is a guy who is actually named "Johnny". Yes, he is over the age of 4, and goes by "Johnny". I don't know what to say about this. I know people named John, and sometimes I might tack on the "ny" to the end just to be cute, but seriously I can't help but be cute a lot of the time. But to stand up in your high-school history class and say "What up, my name's Johnny" makes me want to say "Hey, Johnny, we're gonna rumble with the Jets after we get a malted, gee whiz!". Also, this "Johnny" is part of the Impossibly Cute/Clever/Witty/Tan group of kids that go to the regular, non Coach sponsored, public school. I'm not entirely convinced that the writers of this show were ever actually in high-school, or ever actually lived around humans, but the dialogue that they write? INSANE.


I would also like to take this opportunity to announce the launch of Jennivision, my own channel, on which i shall sit in a chair and just complain about everything that is on all of the other channels. But not actually do anything to change it. Because that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I roll.