I don't WANT to talk about the rain, because seriously...I am so sick of water, you guys. And chances are, if you're in the DC-Metro area, you are as well. Because seriously, SERIOUSLY. What. Is. Up. With. The. RAIN??
Apparently, I escaped the treacherous tornados of the Midwest just in time for monsoon season on the east coast. And in case you didn't know, when they say flash floods? This means literally that the roads will flood in an extremely quick and sudden manner (or "flash", if you will). And it will probably happen as you are driving on the parkway towards Springfield where it is all curvy and dip-y to begin with and you are late for a doctor's appointment at an office that you have never been too and in all fairness most likely couldn't find under the most perfect of weather conditions because, let's face it, if there's one thing you're awesome at, it's getting lost, rendering you and your giant, dilapidated, formerly-red-but-now-it's-getting-kind-of-rusty-and-gross, car stranded. Also, mud-slides on the beltway!?!??! WHAT?!?!
And what's with this rain continuing ALL WEEK LONG?!?!?! I blame decades of careless four year olds urging the rain to "go away, come again another day". Well, that day has come, and apparently Mother Nature has decided to cash in appx. 219312912938 billion delayed rainy days all at once. To make matters awesome, I'm home alone with no one but a giant puppy who's scared of rain, tons of shoes for said giant puppy to destroy, and a basement filled with my belongings that could very well flood.
In summation, I present my updated list of Reasons Why Nature Is Stupid:
1. It's not air-conditioned
2. There are bugs involved
3. The Jew-fro is neither water nor humidity proof
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a boat to assemble and some animals to gather. No ostriches though. Those freaky bastards should never have survived the last time.
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