"You are gifted in many ways"...

...said my fortune cookie last night. For about 3 minutes I seriously entertained the idea of calling up the restaurant from which I purchased my General Tso's tofu and trying to find out where they bought aforementioned cookies so I could drive to the factory, find the guy who writes the messages, and just hug him for an uncomfortably long length of time. I needed to hear this. Even if it's coming from a pastry, I'll take validation wherever I can get it. It's been a rough couple of weeks.

Speaking of needy, attention-hungry twenty-somethings who really don't want to do any actual work for a living, let's talk Idol, shall we? Some highlights from Tuesday's show:

-Second favorite quote of the night, courtesy of Generic Interchangeable White Girl Contestant#4: "I just go out there and try to sing every note." Lofty goal, sweetheart. When I'm walking, I try to walk every step. You need to leave now.
-First favorite quote of the night, courtesy of Ms. Abdul: "The audience doesn't know anything." Uh, here's what I do know:

• In order to believe that crap about you never having been drunk in your life, I'd need to suspend my disbelief an uncomfortable amount, and abandon all laws of science and logic


• I know that you actually named an album Vibeology, though I'd be lying if i said I knew what it meant


• I know that you sang a duet with a cartoon cat.

-I NEED to know what the hell Sanjaya did to warrant the intense hatred and disdain that the show's hairstylist must harbor towards him because, GOOD LORD. It has to be something bad, because I can't imagine what would make them risk their reputation/abandon all hairstyling ethics like that unless he really deserved it. I have a theory that last night was meant to be Justin Guarini-esque. Instead, homeboy ended up looking like Shirley Temple. It was a hot mess.

There's nothing more to say about this.