Will someboday PLEASE do something wacky so I can get a cute tank top?

So in case yesterday's headlines didn't do it for you, this morning we've got "Drivers honk, scream to get $3.55 gas" (yeah, and if the amount you paid for gas isn't killing your budget, why not buy an over-priced T-shirt) "Don't adjust monitor...puppy IS green" ("Don't use full sentence...). Shockingly, "Coyotes attack kids on playground, yard" and "Hezbollah takes control of western Beirut" aren't available. YET....