So...I used to collect quotes in my younger years. Actually, sometimes I still do. But back in the day? I was pretty much Darryl Hannah in "Splash" right after she spends the whole day at Macy's watching the TV's and just repeats what she heard over and over and over again. Tom Hanks thought it was cute, so maybe I thought everyone in my life would too? The point is, I collected quotes, the more dramatic and depressing and cliched and shocking the better. I am pretty much too old to really understand what "emo" means. But I'm fairly sure that if I was 14 today, I would be the emo-ist, surrounded by my sad little quotes.
But let us take a moment and discuss some of the most memorable quotes of our time. And let us make fun of them/expose them for how ridiculous they really are. Not because the quoted were famous and probably richer than us and we are jealous. But because exposing injustices, complaining about injustices, and then doing nothing about them? The American way, ya'll.
1. "Do or do not. There is no try."-Yoda
Wow. How'd you like this guy as your father? Not only is this one of the most depressing effing sayings of our time (and I am more than a little bit appalled at how this piece of geekdom had somehow snuck its dorky way in to our popular lexicon), but it is pretty much not true. There is a "try". Webster's Dictionary begs to differ.
2. "If you don't have anything nice to say...come sit by me."-I Forget Who
No, I will not, because you will probably just interfere with my shit-talking of you.
3. "Too much of a good thing... can be wonderful."-Mae West
Well then it wouldn't be too much, now would it, Ms. West? You could say " a lot of a good thing...", but that is not nearly as fun, plus it is a bit obvious, no?
4. "My heart leaps up when I behold a rainbow in the sky."-William Wordsworth
Eh, not factually incorrect, just kind of lame. Maybe I've never seen a truly impressive rainbow, but...whatever. Lame. A little fruity, but that is to be expected, I suppose.
5. "You cannot play the game of life with sweaty palms."-"Dr. Phil"
Ok, so it is not a famous quote, just a really ridiculous one that I found. Because can we all just please come together and recognize the true asshat-edness that is this man?
That's all I've got right now. I really want to end this in a cheesy, contrived way.
And you can quote me on that.
Badum-ching!!!!!
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3 comments:
quote #2 was from a gossip columnist. liz smith, maybe? i can't remember. i'm sure you could google it and find out.
Quote #2 was also in Steel Magnolias. Shirley MacLaine's character said it.
yes! also, alice roosevelt longsworth was a fan of the quote.
http://nmnm.essortment.com/aliceroosevelt_rxlk.htm
one of my personal favorites.
if i sit here quietly maybe people will think that I know who she is...shh....
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