A Tale About Clive Owen. And Pregnancy. Although I Am Fairly Certain He Is Not With Child

So...let's talk about Clive Owen. And the wonder that is he.

I was home this weekend and "Closer" was on TV. I saw it in the theater (doesn't that sound kind of old-timey? I feel like I just typed "I went to see a picture, see, and it was a talkie.") and loved it. And I remember thinking "oh, Clive Owen...you sexy, sexy beast." Or, I probably didn't exactly say that because I am not a sex offender. But I thought that he was aesthetically pleasing. And re-watching this flick (this entry contains 238238 different words for motion picture, by the way),simply drove that point home (not a sexual euphemism...promise.) He is just CRAZY HOT. I don't know what it is, but he is seriously, like, fabulous. And differently fabulous from other actors.
I read this study once that talked about how women are more into manly, virile, testosterone-laden men when they are ovulating. Something about how on a biological level, when women are most fertile, they seek out the most likely to, in medical terms, "knock them up". So a woman's libido is something like this:

Day 7 (of your cycle-but that word kind of makes me think of those films about puberty from the 70's, and it's kind of iccch, but whatever): "Ohmygod, I love Jude Law, he is SO SO SO PRETTY."
Day 11: "Wow, David Beckham has GREAT skin- I wonder what his skin-care regimen is. I love me some metrosexuals! HE IS SO SO PRETTY."
Day 15: "YES, I AM CARRYING AROUND THIS PAYPHONE IN HOPES OF ATTRACTING RUSSELL CROWE SO HE CAN HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH IT, DRAG ME BACK TO HIS CAVE AND WE CAN MAKE HAIRY,ANGRY, AUSSIE BABIES TOGETHER!!"
Day 19: "I love the fact that Brandon Boyd weighs less than a 15 year old girl. HE IS SO PRETTY!"

And so on, and so forth. In case you are curious, and not knowledgeable about the workings of the female body, day 28 looks like this: "Men? MEN?!?! NO, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT MEN AND I HATE THEM ALL!! NOW HAND ME MY MOTRIN/BEN AND JERRY'S COCKTAIL AND HEAT UP THAT HOT-WATER BOTTLE, BITCH!!"

Yeah, I have no other purpose in this post but to talk about how hot I think Clive Owen is, and how he was ROBBED at the Oscars. Also, if he was a product and I was in marketing I would make his slogan be "Clive Owen: Completely Worth The Cramps."



What are your feelings on Mr. Owen? Do you have a witty story involving PMS? Perhaps you would just like to add a nice note thanking me for abandoning my studies to write in this blog, because Lord knows I am not doing this to simply procrastinate, and it is all for you? Please leave a comment below and share it with the class.