Mrs. Brown, you've got a lovely daughter

In the first picture is Peter Noone, of Herman's Hermits fame. Below him you will find Matt Damon, otherwise known as The Most Aryan Man In The WORLD. Coincidence? Or is this part of a far more sinister plot on behalf of Mr. Noone to clone himself and infiltrate the Affleck camp and learn the innermost workings of Bennifer 2.0? Only time will tell.

I can tell you this much; I ought to be a casting director, and I should also write a sweepingly dramatic biopic in the vein of A Beautiful Mind about the rise and fall of the 52nd most influential pop group of the 1960's (the ranking system is all mine-they outranked The Troggs because at least their stupid name doesn't sound like a tool you fix plumbing with, but fell behind Strawberry Alarm Clock because without them I would be unaware of the delicious combination that is incense and peppermints).

I can't see such a movie NOT being a major Oscar contender-they were lyrical geniuses, their work echoing the sentiments of a nation in turmoil. In this groundbreaking single, the Hermits detail a tyrannical political system gone awry:

"I'm Henry The Eighth, I am!

Henry The Eighth I am, I am!

I got married to the widow next door

She's been married seven times before

And every one was an Henry (Henry)

She wouldn't have a Willie or a Sam (no Sam)

I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry

Henry The Eighth I am!"

A delight. Where else would be learn the little-known historical fact that Henry VIII was so-called not because he was the 8th in his lineage, but because he was the 8th husband of a woman who only married men of that name?! Note to all the skeptics: these guys were British, people. They are scientifically proven to be better than us at all things historical. Legally, we can't question them on anything to pertaining to the monarchy, classical music, or Wham. I think it's in the Magna Carta.

Or how about this epic ballad of love, loss, and redemption:

"Mrs. Brown, you've got a lovely daughter

Girls as sharp as her are somethin' rare

But it's sad, she doesn't love me now

She's made it clear enough it ain't no good to pine"

Simply stunning. Their use of painfully descriptive words to detail the anguish involved is breathtaking (note: "sad", 3rd line). The speaker is absolutely devastated; this eloquent word-smith, whose use of English tells us that he is above par in terms of intelligence ("somethin'", "ain't no good"), had finally managed to find one of those rare, sharp women, and now he's lost her. The social conscience of the song-writer is apparent as well; while Simon & Garfunkel detailed a morally reprehensible illicit affair with a girl's mother in "Mrs. Robinson", Herman's Hermits remind us that we are meant to use mothers to get to their daughters, not the other way around.

I regretfully must end this post now, but I leave you with my favorite excerpt from the works of this musical power-house, from the classic "Dandy":

"Dandy, Dandy

Chattin' up the ladies

Ticklin' their fancy

Pourin' out your charms

To meet your own demands

And you turn it off at will

Huh-oh, they long for

Dandy, Dandy

Knockin' on the back door

Climbin' through the window

Hubby's gone away

And while the cat's away

The mice are gonna play

Uh-hmm, you low-down

Dandy, Dandy, Dandy"

Bob Dylan who?