Do you think he failed because even the oxygen finds him unbelievably pretentious?

Guys, I’m sorry. I’m aware that I have neglected this blog and that many of you dutifully continue to check to see if I’ve updated and when you discover that it’s the same entry for weeks and weeks I imagine your inner monologue to sound something like this:

You: “Well, here I am busy at my Important Real Life Job and I take the time out of my day to see what Jenn is complaining about now and I find that she’s too busy being unemployed to update this thing. Awesome. Considering that blogging might be her only skill in life and she has nothing better to do, you’d think she would get it together.”

To which I respond:

Me: “Wow, you guys are really, really mean when you’re thinking to yourselves. Why are we even friends?!”

I’ve been a tad bit busy…what with all the finals and turning 23 and packing and crying about finals/turning 23/packing and GRADUATING. That’s right kids. Two weeks ago I was a completely overwhelmed and aimless twenty-something woman. Now I am a completely overwhelmed and aimless twenty-something woman…with a B.A. in Journalism (and minor in English-don’t forget that entirely not-useless component, please).

But more on all this later! Right now we have a larger, far more ominous topic to discuss. Let’s begin with an open letter to the current object of my intense hatred and violent loathing (sit down Ann, I’ve grown tired of you and your hideous face):

Dear David Blaine,
I AM NOT AMUSED BY YOU.

Love,
Jenn

PS- Seriously. Stop it.

You guys, what’s his problem? No I mean REALLY, what the hell is with this tool? I don’t get it. NO ONE ASKS HIM TO DO THESE ASSININE STUNTS, and then we are supposed to either rejoice when he accomplishes or feel disappointed when he fails at these stupid scenarios. I don’t care, and I don’t think I’m alone in my feelings.

Was there a single person actually upset when he didn’t complete his little fish-tank thing? How does him holding his breath for 9 minutes help us or better our society AT ALL? Or how is it even entertaining? His little stunts don’t even make sense. David Copperfield chaining himself to a building and then detonating a bomb, and then escaping…eh, it’s a little much, but I get it. Living in a bowl of water for a week (during which he had oxygen to breathe) and THEN holding his breathe DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE. If he lived in the fish-tank for a week with no air, I’d get how that is interesting. But this made NO SENSE.

AND AND AND!!! The title of the show!! “David Blaine: Drowned Alive”….what?!?! I wasn’t aware how common it was to drown dead people, but apparently it happens often if one has to acknowledge when a live person is drowned.

While we’re on the topic of People Who Shouldn’t Be Famous And Who Are Probably More Than A Little Sociopath-ish, I’d like to address something that’s been bothering me for awhile and I tried to ignore it but….seriously, please tell me you’ve all seen Dr. Phil’s commercials for match.com. Please also tell me that you noticed his little slogan for his dating program. If you didn’t, here it is:

“Mind. Find. Bind.”

DOES THIS MAKE ANYONE ELSE THINK OF THE B.T.K. (BIND TORTURE KILL) SERIAL MURDERER?

Dr. Phil already terrifies me. Add an online dating service and THE WORST SLOGAN EVER IN LIFE THAT IS EVEN WORSE THAN THE LAST HORRIFIC SLOGAN I DISCOVERED and that’s a horror film right there.