Then I went to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie (in which Johnny Depp over-acts to such a frightening degree that it made the ridiculous Edward Scissorhands get-up look like the understatement of the century). And in the 17th hour of the film, I realized something. I don't hate Keira because of the ridiculous lip-pursing. Not at all.
I hate her because she purses her lips and juts out her chin. At the same time.
Note:
Fake hair stolen from Lohan: check
Eyebrows that don't even pretend to match said fake hair: check
Lips and chin: oh, crap, they're trying to escape from my face!!!
"Oh, I am ever so sad and wistful. So wistful that I am hugging what appears to be a noose of some sort. Also, note the lack of glitter make-up and unfortunate bangs. Clearly I am playing a character that is devastatingly plain, yet charming (uglying it up=Oscar time!) in a British period piece (I'm British, remember? Remember guys? This automatically makes me exotic and fascinating and witty to you simple Americans.)"
The chin/lip move also works on the red carpet, as does the charming devil-may-care attitude regarding how many of her young female fans she just convinced to stop eating. Also, gold chain mail? Really? Shut up, Keira.
It's also important to note that this signature move is not easy to do. I tried it out myself, resulting in sore lip-muscles, a possibly dislocated jaw, and endless shame due to the fact that I now have an entire folder of pictures on my computer of me attempting to replicate the pose. Here are some samples:
If tomorrow everyone walked around on the street with this ridiculous expression, perhaps Ms. Knightley would take a hint. Because if she doesn't stop, I'm going to see the next Pirates movie in costume, complete with two black eye-patches and a peg leg in case anyone else in the theater wants me to put them out of their misery.
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