Hmm, can't decide: Failing Every Major Adversity, or Freakishly Easily Manipulated Acronym?

Hey guys! It's me, Jenn! Did you hear about those jackasses in Fairfax County, VA who had their homes damaged during the freak, record-breaking floods last month and are now expecting FEMA to help them out? Um, the last time I checked this was AMERICA, not BleedingHeartCharityVille.

But DON'T WORRY! Because, now check this out, FEMA isn't going to help them! Things are tough at FEMA right now; they are running out of ways to look too busy to help people in the Gulf who STILL have no place to live. They don't have time for this nonsense. But the best part is the official reason why Fairfax isn't getting any help. They're too wealthy! Apparently, the fact that the medium income is so high means that they don't deserve aid from the federal government that they pay for.

And this high income couldn't POSSIBLY mean a handful of insanely wealthy people (like, oh I don't know, senators and reps from around the country that choose to live there) + average, everyday folks+a hell of a lot of people who are scraping to get by in a place where the cost of living is so insane yet the minimum wage hasn't risen in a decade. Nah, that can't be it. I've worked with kids whose parents work three jobs and can't afford to buy them shoes, or who go to school when they're sick just so they will get food for the day. But as I see now, it's probably because their parents were blowing their six-figure salaries on yachts (wow, that sure would have come in handy during the floods!):

FEMA Denies Aid to Homeowners, Tells Fairfax to Help Its Own More
County's Affluence Noted; Arlington, Alexandria Also Lose Out
'"Fairfax should use its resources to help its own people," said Martinez, who was brought in by FEMA from Texas to oversee Virginia's application for aid, which could have included cash grants, low-interest loans, unemployment assistance and temporary housing.
"It's an affluent community that's able to address the specific needs of its residents," Martinez said.
County officials expressed outrage at FEMA's decision.
"We have affluent people, we have poor people and we have people in between," said Gerald E. Connolly (D), chairman of the Board of Supervisors. "For any federal official to say something like that, he ought to be fired. These people need access to capital that we don't have."'


FEMA is absolutely right on this one! I've said it before, I've said it again; when people in need look to you for help in a time of emergency, the thing to do is PASS THE BUCK. Why does it have to be FEMA's problem?!?! Their offices a couple of miles away went undamaged. Why should they pay for the misfortune of others? It's not like it's their job or anything....


FEMA Mission
DISASTER. It strikes anytime, anywhere. It takes many forms -- a hurricane, an earthquake, a tornado, a flood, a fire or a hazardous spill, an act of nature or an act of terrorism. It builds over days or weeks, or hits suddenly, without warning. Every year, millions of Americans face disaster, and its terrifying consequences.
On March 1, 2003, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) became part of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS). FEMA's continuing mission within the new department is to lead the effort to prepare the nation for all hazards and effectively manage federal response and recovery efforts following any national incident. FEMA also initiates proactive mitigation activities, trains first responders, and manages the National Flood Insurance Program.

Oh, there must be someone out there more fit to help Fairfax County. Someone with some kind of program, a program that offers insurance for floods...on a national level. Or something. Hey, you know what would be perfect for this situation? An Agency, paid for by taxes, taxes paid by people in places like, say, Fairfax County (who are paying A TON OF TAXES because of their income levels...cue the irony music), whose job AND SOLE PURPOSE FOR EXISTING was to Manage Federal Emergencies. Wouldn't that just be ideal? Ah, well. Enough Monday morning quarterback-ing. If only such an agency had been formed sometime prior to this. Like in 2003.

Or something.