HAPPY (belated) HALLOWEEN

Scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaary!

This was my first Halloween in HALF A DECADE that I haven't been on a college campus, so I was shocked to discover that the holiday is more about going to neighbor's houses to get candy, and less about going to the neighborhood bar to get candy-flavored liquor. Also, were you aware that costumes are typically scary and not skanky? I was shocked. I really missed seeing how creative people can be by making seemingly innocuous occupations suddenly risque (i.e. "Sexy Nurse", "Sexy Firefighter", "Sexy Janitor", "Sexy Cable-Repair Person").

I have a confession, though. I totally dressed up my dog. But because he is gigantic, none of those store-bought costumes would fit on him and I didn't want to give him a complex or make him feel fat, so I opted for fairy wings (yes, he's a male dog, no, I don't see anything wrong with putting pink fairy wings on him because he is the biggest dog on the block and if the other animals in the neighborhood start spreading rumors about his masculinity, I'm fairly certain he can take them). We got literally FIVE trick or treaters (our house is off a pipe stem, on a private drive), two in one group and three in another. The group of three were guys that were taller than me, and had to be pushing 20. I have a motto about this: "If you have cleavage in your costume or had to shave in order to put on that mask, you are too old to be knocking on my door and demanding candy".

Maybe it was my lack of make-up that scared the children away...

Before you cry "animal cruelty!", the dog DID NOT EVEN REALIZE HE HAD THE WINGS ON. Seriously, he's not the sharpest tool in the box, and he didn't even know until I took them off of him, and then he tried to eat them.

Max, waiting for the trick or treaters that never came. It's important to note that I wore these wings one year at school, and I have super-broad man shoulders, but they BARELY fit him. He's like a horse, for serious.