Something's rotten in the store of Macy's

I only say this because a.) I love a good Hamlet reference, no matter how awkward and b.) because they USED ADOLESCENT GIRL MANNEQUINS IN THE LINGERIE DEPARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, for real! They totally used mannequins from the pre-teen department. This camera phone image ( I was going all Dateline undercover, except for the fact that I was shouting to my sister "OH MY GOD, LOOK AT WHAT THESE PERVS DID OVER HERE!" and pointing and waving wildly) isn't that great, but trust me, the bodies of these mannequins were not those of, ahem, developed women. Not to mention the side-pony/fuchsia lipstick combo that you won't find on too many ladies over the age of 14 (except for you, Fergie; don't go changing).

And should you need more proof that the store is overrun by SICKOS (and perhaps I am a bit harsh on them because they refuse to carry shoes over size 10 and what the hell am I supposed to do, fashion two of your tiny baby-sized shoes together just so I can walk places? Jerks), check out what was going on behind the mannequins:

As if this wasn't bad enough, please tell me what the hell was going on in the women's department with this lovely display:

This was completely uncalled for. If you're going to make the mannequins anatomically correct, why not start with eyes or hair? Why is this necessary? And why, for the love of God, are they lopsided?