In which I link to everything on the internet

So did you watch the premiere of "Chuck" tonight? Well, if you did, then you now know what would happen if Zach Braff and John Krasinski had a baby, and NBC gave that baby a show. After the baby grew up, of course. Everyone knows that baby-centered television never works. Also, do you think that characters named Chuck will be having the best week ever?

In unrelated news, Ms. Bradshaw? You've been out of the game for awhile now, so I guess it's understandable. You weren't aware that it's now considered a major fashion faux pas to wear flowers bigger than your head with dominatrix shoes after Labor Day.

"I mean...I AM a graduate student in media studies...."

New favorite pick-up line, by the way. You'd be surprised how many men are into content analysis. That wasn't meant to be dirty. Not that it really sounds dirty. Now I feel like maybe I'm the dirty one here. ANYWAY-let's analyze some media!

So today I have been singing "Every Rose Has Its Thorn", by my personal favorite 80's hair band, Poison. Now, I'm not entirely sure why this particular song has worked it's way into my brain, but it has, and it refuses to un-clench it's vice-like grip over me. It might have something to do with the 76 episodes of Rock of Love that VH1 has been looping over and over and over. Who's to say. But back to my point-have you ever actually stopped to think about the rhyme scheme in that song?

"Every rose has its thorn

Just like every night has its dawn

Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song

Every rose has its thorn"

He rhymes "thorn" with "dawn" and "song". That totally blew my mind. I can't ever think of it the same way again. Because seriously, there are A BILLION AND TWENTY word that rhyme with thorn. Here's what I would have done:

"Every rose has its thorn

Just like every can has its corn

Just like every baby is eventually born

Every rose has its thorn"

OR

"Every rose has its thorn

Just like every guy looks at porn

Just like every Swede man is named Bjorn

Every rose has its thorn"

While we're on the topic of lyrics that bother me, allow me to share my personal favorite. DISCLAIMER: Stop reading now if your favorite song is (somehow) "In The Summertime", by Mungo Jerry. I have ruined this song for many, many people by pointing out what I'm about to.

Ok, if you're still with me, let me just say that I do love this song. It's just the words that kill me:

"In the summertime when the weather's high,

you can stretch right up and touch the sky,

when the weather's fine,

you got women, you got women on your mind.

Have a drink, have a drive,go out and see what you can find.

If her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal.

If her daddy's poor, just do as you feel.

Speed along the lane,

Do a ton, or a ton and twenty-five.

When the sun goes down, you can make it,make it good in a lay-by."

This song encourages:

1. Drinking and driving

2. Reckless driving

3. Using rich women

4. Possibly date-raping the poor ones.

Lovely!

I guess if you're this pretty, you don't need to bother with iambic pentameter

Takin' time to make time...

And suddenly it's 2001 once again and I am scared of my mail. Not that this was found in the mail, but I hear "anthrax" and I just go there. But ew, I'm really glad it's not 2001 again; I was blonde for the better part of that year, and it was a terrible life choice.

And on a lighter note....

Unfortunate Situation: Plugging your i-Pod into your car while you're in a parking lot surrounded by people and having an embarrassing song play extremely loudly.

Unfortunate Situation That Could ONLY Happen To Jenn: Having the parking lot be attached to a Jewish Community Center, and having the song be "Son of a Preacher Man."

True story, by the way. Happened last month. This embarrassing situation was after the one where I cried on the phone with the CVS pharmacist, but before the one when I slipped on spilled coffee at National Airport and fell on my bad knee-AGAIN. Essentially, if I leave the house I'm either going to a.)embarrass myself, or b.) get lost going somewhere I've already been 45 times, therefore embarrassing myself.