If I had a guitar, it would be weeping over all the faux Jews

Is anyone else just sick to death of Madonna parading around everywhere in the purple spandex leotard? With her 80 year old body parts hanging out everywhere? I mean, really, enough already. She has insulted my people by deciding that she is going to take one of our books and decide that it’s a religion. I think she was confused; we are the chosen PEOPLE. You can’t just CHOOSE to follow some random part of my religion and try to pass it off as legitimate, you can’t pick and CHOOSE what to believe and think that you are not insulting us by selling Kaballah water and red strings. AND THEN SHOW UP PLACES WITH ALL YOUR BUSINESS HANGING OUT AND OFFENDING MY SENSIBILITIES. Demi, you too. We don’t want you. You’d think the fact that we don’t go out and try to recruit people and proselytize would be enough to avoid the crazies. The chances of me splitting a bottle of Manischewitz and studying some Torah with a woman whose name is just a term used to describe a half-cup bra? SLIM TO NONE.
If you love music…actually, scratch that. Even if you hate music, but you do have ears and like to use them for the hearing of pleasant things, then I URGE you to listen to George Harrison’s demo version of “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”. JUST KEEP READING AND SHUT UP ABOUT THE BEATLES. Trust me. Ok, so it’s on the third anthology cd and it is…..insane. I heard it for the first time a couple of weeks ago and then last Thursday we talked about the White Album and my professor talked about how gorgeous it was and I thought to myself “yes! I thought something and a member of the academic world agreed with me!” and he turned the lights of in class and played it. And I am not kidding, this song will make you cry even if you don’t even care about the Beatles and even though it’s not really about anything sad . Except I totally didn’t cry!! I almost did but I didn’t! And I totally congratulated myself for controlling my emotions and not shedding tears over musical notes!! And then I came home and watched CSI and at the end Brass cried and hugged the widow of the man he accidentally killed and I straight up LOST IT. Bawled on the couch. I mean, real crying, like lip quivering, actually have to get up and get a tissue, kind of crying. And thank God Margo had already left for Thanksgiving because….it was not my finest moment. In all fairness, maybe I was just a little hormonal or something. But then again….maybe I am just very, very lame. Who’s to say.
But the point is that this song is amazing. The Beatles really didn’t make a lot of mistakes, let’s be honest, but seriously, they should have left the song acoustic . But noooooooo, Eric Clapton had to show up with his stupid electric guitar and mess with everyone’s universe, as he is apt to do. I mean, George brought Clapton along because he knew that if he showed up with a guest, then everyone else would stop fighting and be on their best behavior and maybe Yoko would stop shrieking. And seriously, I KNOW THAT DRILL. It works. And he totally gave him the guitar solo. On his, one of the greatest guitarists of all time’s, song, about playing the guitar. Which has always seemed kind of blasphemous to me; it’s like if Billy Joel got another musician to play piano on “Piano Man”. It’s not right. But he thought it would be weird and way to pretentious if he played the guitar, which just makes you want to hug him, because seriously, how cool is that?! I would have played it myself and everyone would talk about how lame I was and how full of myself I am and I wouldn’t care. But I mean it’s GEORGE HARRISON-maybe not the best, but definitely the most well known lead guitarist of any band. Brother’s gonna be hanging out with Joe Perry and Slash in Rock and Roll Heaven, for reals. But no, here comes Clapton. Who gets to play the lead guitar on one of the best Beatles songs ever, on the White Album, which also contains another song that George wrote about him, and then less than 10 years later…he steals George’s wife. Yes. Speaking of which, I like “Layla” MUCH better as an acoustic song. I’m not saying that we should send Eric Clapton and his electric guitars to the “Lost” island, BUT…
Anyway, I want everyone to hear the demo version, it is amazing. George’s voice is all of a sudden so beautiful, which kind of came out of left field, to use a cliché that I absolutely loathe and don’t totally understand as I hate baseball. Plus the accent is SO cute- he says “gheee-taaaah” instead of guitar. So everyone IM me and I will figure out how to send the file to you and your life will be changed for the better. Yaaaay!