JOY TO THE WORLD!!

To the old, hateful bitch at the hair salon today who bragged about how she called her daughter's office and the receptionist had the NERVE to say "happy holidays" to which she replied" and a Merry Christmas to YOU!" which really "taught her a lesson", I offer you a blessing, as my people are apt to do: may your Christmas tree fall on your head and kill you. You know, to teach you a lesson.

I can't remember ever being so angry at a total stranger IN MY LIFE. This country sucks so hard I can't believe it sometimes. I'm sure that all the normal, non-fundamental Christians (you know, the ones for whom this holiday is actually religiously important and who believe there should be a feeling of peace and love surrounding it) totally appreciate you USING CHRISTMAS AS A THREAT, you dumb witch. It makes me scared that they have decided that everyone in the country needs to observe their RELIGIOUS holiday. It's racist and facist and dumbassict (I might have made that last one up, but I need symmetry in my sentence construction, yo.)

Also I think it is weird that these people have decided that they WANT the religous persecution that they have inflicted on people throughout history so much that they are making up problems and drama to get it. WHAT. I'm sorry guys, truly I am. If I could go back in time and change it around so the Jews were the ones torching YOU during the Spanish Inquisition, I totally would. Alas, my hands are tied (MUCH LIKE THE HANDS OF MY PEOPLE AS YOU BEAT AND TORTURED THEM TO GET THEM TO CONVERT TO YOUR RELIGION).

I dare someone to respond with a self-righteous "Merry Christmas" after I tell them "Happy Holidays". I already have a plan of action. First I say "Oh...excuse me. I didn't know that you didn't observe New Years-hence the "s" on the end of the word holiday-I apologize!" And then I kick them in the face. MAYBE I shove a dreidel up their ass and beat them with one of those Kwanzaa menorah-type things. I haven't worked out the details.


So to all of my COOL Christian friend who are not terrorists: MERRY CHRISTMAS and I have no issue saying that because, duh, it is Christmas, it's an important holiday for you, and you're not forcing me to say it. Have a wonderful holiday, enjoy your family, and say a little prayer for the wicked case of chlamydia that Bill O' Reilly is WAY overdue for.















And now that I've brought everyone down and people are pissed off...just look at that mullet, that sweet, sweet mullet. Oh, Sir Paul, the 70's were cruel to you. No matter. One look at that coif...and all religous controversy is forgotten