or "WHY THIS DAY SUCKS MORE THAN OTHER DAYS"
...is what I say to today (the expression is a charming melee of "scared", "sad", and "goddamnit, now my lips are trying to escape my face, what more could possibly go wrong?").
1. Subway ran out of tomatoes. Could the 10 year old kid making my VEGETARIAN sub have told me this when I first told him that the sandwich would consist solely of vegetables? ONE WOULD THINK. I just ate lettuce, onions, and honey mustard on bread (ooo, want to make out? I bet my breath is kicking).
2. A guy at Starbucks STOLE MY COFFEE (today was rough for me and restaurants). The lady who made my drink called out "tall, nonfat, no-whip white chocolate mocha" (shut up, I drank it black when I was 15-trying for some growth stunt-age action- I'm allowed to drink frilly things now) and this guy grabbed it and peaced out the door. I thought it was weird that he ordered the exact same thing, but whatev. Then they called "sugar-free blah blah blah" and I knew then that my coffee had been abducted and I was left with the order of an old bald guy (not that there's anything wrong with that- I'm just giving you a physical description in case you see this dude and you can steal my coffee back from him and then maybe give him a kick to the face or something for retribution).
3. I went to look at cars ( I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and Big Red totally knew about it and was a total bitch to me and almost left me stranded in the middle of the forest on a winding, scary road. Seriously, anyone know what to do when a car vibrates, shakes, and then revs it's engine by itself and then flashes the 4-wheel drive lights on and off? No? Ok, then be prepared to see me driving in this one when I am 80 and everyone else is flying in hovercrafts.
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