1. Don't be afraid to wear high-heels. And for God's sake, get over the fact that those boys teased you in 6th grade for being taller than the teacher.
2. Everyone is lying to you-you will never ever ever EVER use Algebra, Geometry, or Trig. Never ever. In fact, in 8 years you'll take the GRE's and rely on formulas that you straight up invented in your head to score above average on the math section.
3. Don't freak out about the car (or lack thereof) situation. In a few months, your dad will cave and give you the red Explorer to drive when he realizes that he needs someone to pick up your youngest siblings from private school on Mondays.
4. Don't take yourself so damn seriously. Your parents are the grown-ups, you don't have to worry about everything and try to fix everyone's problems.
5. Pay attention and LEARN PAGEMAKER NOW. Because it's going to be really embarrassing in two years when you're managing editor of your school paper and you still don't know how to work the computers but have to pretend like you know everything, and you're forced to publicly berate and abuse freshmen to deflect attention from your incompetency.
6. One of the best things about you is that you don't cave into peer pressure. In 8 years you won't regret not getting high with that sketchy 20-something waiter in the parking lot of the Silver Diner.
7. You don't look good as a blonde now, you're not going to look good as a blonde when you do this again in 6 years.
8. Don't quit physical therapy for your dislocated knee just because Hot Physical Therapist moved to Las Vegas. Because being able to predict the weather based solely on how badly your cartilage is cracking won't help you pick up as many men as you think when you're 24.
9. Just say no to dumbing yourself down to appease the fragile teenage male ego. And white eye-liner. Avoid both at all costs.
10. Things will get better. They're going to get a hell of a lot worse first, but they will get better.
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