Is this really my life? because WTF.

This is awesome for so many reasons. The first one being that the damn people at the commons actually found some random hamster wandering around outside ( in totally mild temperatures, mind you) and PICKED. IT. UP. EWWWWWW. To me, and most normal people, i would imagine, hamsters in the wild=rats, mice, whatever. They picked it up and then they are going to force it on the humane society!!! A HAMSTER. Awe.some.

ALSO....you should look at my friend Sam's new site here. Because they are like dirty pictures!! And I know my friends, and I know you guys like porn. Well these are dirty pictures that are also ART!! So they will not feel pervy but you still get to see naked folks! YAAAAAAY!

Also, I want some comments, people. I know who is looking at this blog every day. If you don't start leaving me feedback ( only positive, though-lord knows, I can only dish it out) one day you will go to this site only to find whole entry bashing you. And your family. Also, I will make fun of your haircut.

If you were my homework, not only would I NOT be doing you right now, but you'd be suffocating inside my backpack, where you shall remain

Because seriously? I WILL DO ANYTHING TO AVOID WORK. THIS IS A SICKNESS. STAY AWAY FROM THE CRAZY PROCRASTINATING LADY.


Little Known Facts About Jenn.....(no, i don't mean known facts that are small in nature)

1. I hate lemons in all shapes and form. Limes are a far superior citrus fruit, in my humble opinion.
2. I am scared of heights. And vampires. But heights are the really the more pressing of the 2 phobias.
3. There was a 200 point difference between my verbal and math scores on the SAT's. 200 points!!!!!!!!! I think that makes me either borderline retarded, or suggests that I really and truly can not. Do. Math.
4. I won't dance. Can't make me.
5. I took more medication in the past year than you probably will in your entire lifetime. They know me in CVS by name-I'm trying to pitch a "Cheers"-type sitcom to NBC.
6. I won't wear leather, but I am not a vegetarian. Apparently I would have been a real prize back in the cave times: "Oh, honey, yes I am going to be eating that unidentifiable animal that you just beat to death with your own forehead. But hell no am I wearing it!! Better get to making me a synthetic coat-there's an ice age coming, bitch!!"
7. I've been camping precisely once. And it was in my backyard. And I didn't last the night.
8. I have a crush on James "The Ragin' Cajun" Carville. Judge me not!!
9. I twirl my hair.
10. I have never, ever hit someone out of anger. Not even a sibling. Which is not to say that Liz didn't/doesn't deserve the back of my hand on many, many an occasion.
11. Gay guys keep making out with me. Seriously, maybe four times has this happened in my adult life. Why?
12. I'm writing this entry on my month old, very beautiful laptop. Which is also the third computer I have owned since starting my collegiate endeavors.
13. I hate "The Grapes of Wrath". HATE. A whole chapter devoted to dust? No thanks!! And the ending? When Rose-of-Sharon is like breastfeeding that stranger who is starving? More than a little gross, plus my cheek still totally hurts from being slapped in the face by that symbolism.
14. I pronounce the "t" in often, and envelope "on-velope". Yes, this probably does make me classier than you.
15. As soon as a lot of people start watching a tv show that I like, I kind of lose interest, and it doesn't seem as smart/edgy to me anymore. I watched Sex and the City from the moment it debuted, and then everyone jumped on the bandwagon like 3 years later when the DVD's came out, and then I kind of started to hate it. Because I? Am a total snob.
16. I peaced out during my own brother's bris (which was the first one ever held in the JCC). Because I didn't need to be seeing that, really.
17. I read "War and Peace" in 6th grade. Couldn't tell you a damn thing that happened in it, though. I am convinced that I have gotten dumber.
18. This year, I am exactly twice as old as my brother.
19. I know where the tire bars are in Ford Explorers!!!
20. My mama married a townie!!! Ahahahhaha, many a fight resulted over my discovery of this, but it is TRUE-my parents met at Syracuse University Law School, and guess where my dad was raised? Oh about 10 minutes from campus. And he says "no, I am not a townie, I did my undergrad at Boston University" to which I say "dad? You were from the town. YOU WERE A TOWNIE!!!"
21. I can't draw on eyeliner. I just can't. This makes me feel like less of a woman, in truth.
22. They closed down the hospital that I was born in, Columbia Hospital For Women in DC
23. I've never been to the top of the Washington Monument, but, then again, I don't know many people from around there who have. Let's leave the climbing to the top of a tower to look out at buildings significantly shorter and less impressive than said tower to the tourists.
24. I am obsessed with George Harrison. OBSESSED. This is a new thing. He was always my favorite Beatle because I thought he just seemed cool and quiet and somehow not as dorky as the other ones even during the "let's wear matching suits" phase. But since starting the Beatles class, I can not read enough about the man. He is my desktop on my computer. I just love him, I love everything about him, I love his voice, I love the songs that he did by himself, I love how he played the 12-string, I love love LOVE the video from the BBC tribute to Carl Perkins-it was done sometime in the 80's and it was like the cutest thing I have ever seen. Harrison was totally in love with Perkins, he was one of the biggest Beatle influences, and on the show all of these rock giants are sitting around with their guitars, etc. with Perkins singing his songs, and George quietly suggests one of his songs so sweetly and Carl can't remember how it starts-which is sad and crazy because it was like his biggest song. So George starts playing it slowly and sings the first couple of lines, and as soon as he sees Carl remember it, he stops singing and let's him do it by himself. Which, I mean, OH MY GOD you are George Harrison, you are a Beatle, you can sing if you damn well want to also! I think even Elvis would be ok if George Harrison wanted to sing one of his songs with him. But that's how George was, so reserved and willing to let Paul or John or Ringo take the spotlight, which is why I find him so so endearing. The world needs more George Harrisons.
25. I don't understand why everyone loves John Cusack. I really, really don't.
26. I was afraid of Ketchup when I was little.
27. I love Christmas songs, particularly "Little Drummer Boy". And I have gone with my dad to the Christmas trees on the mall in DC every Christmas Eve for 21 years.
28. I'm a tiny bit of a pyro. I have a billion candles.
29. I loathe Cameron Diaz. Every time she bitches about the press I want to kick her in the face. Because without them? No one would have been tricked into seeing "The Sweetest Thing", you ass.
30.Apparently I am pretty fast and loose with my deep dark secrets, because this was damn hard.

OMFG WTF

erica please do these too!!!!

You scored as Red Gown. Red Gown 93% White Gown 80% Aqua Gown 67% Pink Gown 60% Yellow Gown 33% Green Gown 33% Which BEAUTIFUL Prom dress is right for you? *with pics* created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Biting. When it comes to being kinky, your biggest turn on is biting. You love the ectasy of teeth sinking into your flesh, and are probably willing to return the favor. Sex just isn't sex without using your teeth. Biting 58% Blind Folds 58% Whips 33% Bondage 33% Chains/Handcuffs 17% Blood 0% What's Your Kinky Turn On? created with QuizFarm.com

Sometimes I am serious!!!

Ok, here is exactly why I loathe the current administration so very much. I have a hard time articulating it because it makes me so effing angry, but I actually found my very specific, hardcore reason. And I found it whilst watching "The Girls Next Door." Yes, this IS the show about the playboy bunnies. Who says there isn't knowledge to be gained everywhere you look?
So one of the girls is talking about how her brother is in the army and she is so so proud of him because he used to have a totally different job and then after September 11th he quit immediately and enlisted.
I remember when a lot of that was going on. And I remember thinking "how honorable. How impressive. THIS is what our country is about- these people are rising from a nation that is hurting and terrified and they are going to do something about it." Flash forward five years. These honorable men and women who put their lives on hold to go fight a just war against a tyrant who actually attacked and murdered thousands of Americans on our own soil? Are now dying in a completely. Different. Country. They are fighting a completely. Separate. War. When I hear people liken the "war" in Iraq to Afghanistan or referring to this current situation as a retaliation for September 11th ( anyone watch real world?!?!? Remember when Wes, aka Abe 2.0 was yelling about how the Iraqis blew up the world trade center?!?!) my first thought is not "oh, they are confused", or "oh, they have a different view on things"-it's "oh...You're a racist fuck." Seriously. Not all Muslims are terrorists, and by continuously relating Iraq and September 11th, you just make yourself look ignorant.
There were no weapons of mass destruction. Even if I believed it was an honest mistake, just bad intelligence, that wouldn't make it better; a leader can't make these kinds of mistakes when the price is human life. But I truly believe this was calculated; a PR move by the government, paid in our soldiers' blood.
Before September 11th, I thought Bush was kind of a joke. A moron, no doubt, but pretty harmless. This all changed by the end of 2001. He emerged as this powerful behemoth, ready to protect us from the Big Bad Terrorists. And he abused his power to an inexcusable degree. The only thing I can liken it to? A pimp who rescues a 12 year old girl who is being abused and raped. And then sells her to his friends.
I hate what has happened to this country, I hate what our government has become, and I hate how not everyone seems to see how crazy wrong this situation is.

what in god's name does this mean?

HELL LEVEL 2 Raw score: 76%

You're just about as deep in sexual hellfire as a person can get. Virtually no urge, however demented, will go ungratified; practically no boundary will go uncrossed. You're probably proud of your adventurousness, and, honestly, you should be. Few people are confident enough to pursue pleasure on their own terms. Your morals could sink a bit further, sure, but it's likely that you've got a pretty good idea of what you're into and what you would do...above all you're honest with yourself with what you want. If more people were honest with themselves, you'd have a lot more company down in the flames. AVOID: the lost souls in sexual heaven and (above all) the denizens of sexual purgatory. You don't need any prudes or wishy-washers in your life.

This thing barely asked anything!!! Nothing deviant!!! And what is sexual hellfire?!?! I want no part of this! And I refuse to believe this. If you know me, you know this. Those little damn smiley faces are mocking me. Also, I think I am having an allergic reaction to Crest Whitestrips!!!My gums hurt!!! A LOT a lot!!! Also I am coming to NoVa on Saturday!! Lucky, luck you!!

Things I don't understand and would love for someone to explain to me

1. Why is the yogurt section at the college mall Kroger always completely and totally dessimated? Every single time i go there, it looks like there was some crazy raid on the yoplait, with stuff spilled on the floor and only like 2 things of yogurt left on the shelf. I don't get it. They are very well stocked on pretty much everything else. Lord knows they have enough boxed wine and random sets of utensils. Where is all of the Kroger yogurt?
2. And speaking of Kroger....why do they keep the condoms locked away there? I just noticed this today. It's probably because people steal them, but...is that really a bad thing? If you are the kind of person who shoplifts from Kroger, then I probably don't want you procreating. But it makes Bloomington look totally ass-backwards, like that small, sad little town in F"ootloose".
3. And speaking of contraceptives....why is Viagra covered by most health insurance plans, but birth control pills for women are not? This angers me. to. no. end. Women now need the pill more than ever because we are surrounded by these creepy old men with constant erections. How is the issue of unwanted pregnancy and the whole abortion debate less important than 80 year old men who can't get it up (MAYBE IT IS NATURE TELLING YOU THAT WHEN YOU ARE 95 YEARS OLD YOU SHOULD NOT BE MAKING BABIES). If men could get pregnant? THIS WOULD BE A NON-ISSUE. They would be mailing you the free birth control pills, and the condoms in Kroger would come free with every purchase.
4. And speaking of erectile disfunction...why is the parking lot of Blockbuster in B-town like the most complicated, ridiculous parking lot of all time in history (this has nothing to do with erections...but why are you so in to them anyway, you giant perv?). Seriously. One wrong turn, and your car is basically stuck there for all of eternity.

We were talking about some song from "A Hard Day's Night" in my Beatles class and Gass mentioned that Ringo was playing the cowbell. People were laughing every single time he mentioned the word "cowbell", which I thought was fabulous, because we all know how I feel about Will Ferell. But I think Gass was a little confused.

Oh Rita...you dirty bitch

Seriously.


That's all.










...some people I love are in Houston.

Astronomy Is For Boring People

Ok, so...if you or your loved one is an astronomist, please disregard the above title. I am merely bitter because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS CRAP AND I READ AND READ AND IT GOES RIGHT. THROUGH. MY. EARS. This is the case with most scientific/mathematical information. If my brain hears a number or the word "hypothesize"...is just quits and starts thinking about "Survivor" or taking naps or sometimes Vince Vaughn. You know, the important things in life.
I hate astronomy. I hate how my teacher looks so damn excited about blackbody radiators and I just can not get it up for him. I hate how this one guy keeps asking questions all of the damn time-it's a 2 hour class, I am sure the teacher will tell us everything that your little mind needs to know. I hate my astronomy book. I hate how every single handout that I get in that class has at least 4 typos on it.
I have been sitting here working on my astronomy project due tommorow for three hours and here is what I have to show for it:

(I put on ugly eye make-up and found my stila lip-gloss, in case you were wondering. This is all I have done. Then I took pictures. And obsessed for like 20 minutes about how ugly my crooked nose is at pretty much every single angle. Seriously, this is not a "please leave me a comment about how my nose is fine and beautiful..." although who am I to tell you what to do or what not to do. Seriously, look at the bridge of my nose. I broke it when I was like 10, and it has gotten worse and worse and worse. And if I wasn't such an effing baby, I would get it fixed.)
So to wrap it up? Astronomy is stupid. I shouldn't have to do this. There has got to be a freshman somewhere on this huge campus who I could pay to do this crap for me.

Dr. Phil....we meet again.

So...I used to collect quotes in my younger years. Actually, sometimes I still do. But back in the day? I was pretty much Darryl Hannah in "Splash" right after she spends the whole day at Macy's watching the TV's and just repeats what she heard over and over and over again. Tom Hanks thought it was cute, so maybe I thought everyone in my life would too? The point is, I collected quotes, the more dramatic and depressing and cliched and shocking the better. I am pretty much too old to really understand what "emo" means. But I'm fairly sure that if I was 14 today, I would be the emo-ist, surrounded by my sad little quotes.

But let us take a moment and discuss some of the most memorable quotes of our time. And let us make fun of them/expose them for how ridiculous they really are. Not because the quoted were famous and probably richer than us and we are jealous. But because exposing injustices, complaining about injustices, and then doing nothing about them? The American way, ya'll.

1. "Do or do not. There is no try."-Yoda
Wow. How'd you like this guy as your father? Not only is this one of the most depressing effing sayings of our time (and I am more than a little bit appalled at how this piece of geekdom had somehow snuck its dorky way in to our popular lexicon), but it is pretty much not true. There is a "try". Webster's Dictionary begs to differ.

2. "If you don't have anything nice to say...come sit by me."-I Forget Who
No, I will not, because you will probably just interfere with my shit-talking of you.

3. "Too much of a good thing... can be wonderful."-Mae West
Well then it wouldn't be too much, now would it, Ms. West? You could say " a lot of a good thing...", but that is not nearly as fun, plus it is a bit obvious, no?

4. "My heart leaps up when I behold a rainbow in the sky."-William Wordsworth
Eh, not factually incorrect, just kind of lame. Maybe I've never seen a truly impressive rainbow, but...whatever. Lame. A little fruity, but that is to be expected, I suppose.

5. "You cannot play the game of life with sweaty palms."-"Dr. Phil"
Ok, so it is not a famous quote, just a really ridiculous one that I found. Because can we all just please come together and recognize the true asshat-edness that is this man?

That's all I've got right now. I really want to end this in a cheesy, contrived way.
And you can quote me on that.
Badum-ching!!!!!

Brand new. Some might even say "spankin".

Ok, this looks waaaaaaay more sophisticated than xanga ( which, while we're on the subject, what does xanga mean anyway? So here is my fancy new blog. Please, peruse my former journal, which looks soooo passe and unsophisticated now ( but I love you anyway, lil guy)...
http://www.xanga.com/Niffer22










Please...don't hurt yourselves trying to be the first to comment in this beauteous thing. But, you should comment. Or else I won't write anything else. Then you will have to do work!!!!