*Insert pun of Go-Go's hit song here*

HA I can't believe that I forgot to mention this incident. Ok, so when it gets cold, my lips split and bleed and it is gross and the only thing that I have found that actually works is this Neutrogena stuff that costs like 10 dollars for a tiny tiny thing of it. Well, apparently I didn't use enough of it during my annual autumm pre-emptive strike because my bottom lip cracked and it is nice and painful. I searched through my digital camera to find a picture from this week so I could post it and show everyone (and I am not going to take pictures of myself right now because, well, it always makes me feel kind of lame to do that). But I have some pictures from the other night when I let Tara take pictures of what I THOUGHT was a nice make-up night for me (but in actuality the new eye-shadow made me look like an alien-but that's a tale for another blog entry). Anyway what I discovered was that I have no clear shots of the damage AS I NEVER LET ANYONE PHOTOGRAPH ME HEAD ON DUE TO HOW MUCH I HATE MY MOTHERLOVING NOSE and the right side is for sure out of the question for the same reason (you can kind of see from the above picture, its crooked towards the right and HATE. HATE for my nose). I broke it years ago, insurance will pay for me to have it fixed, and I had kind of psyched myself into doing it until my mother and sister made me watch the Nip/Tuck finale with them and now there isn't a sparrow's chance in hell. I totally made up that phrase just now as I typed it. I don't know where it came from. I couldn't even identify a sparrow if I tried. So this is the best shot I have, it's on the right side of my bottom lip, and the injury is kind of masked by lip-gloss so WHATEVER. The point is it's there, it hurts, and if I have nothing on my lips and I'm not doing crazy-ass poses, it's very visible.

SO the point of that extremely verbose set-up is to tell you what happened when I got to the airport in Indy last week. I was checking in my luggage at the USAir counter, which I was flying for the first time, by the way ( and I've given them a clever, witty nickname as well: USThisairlinesucksassneverflythem. I hated them, you guys, HATE. The plane was one of thise 15 rows, one seat on one side and two on the other dealies and oh my god, I'm 5'9, NOT that tall, and I had to BEND DOWN when I was standing up on that plane. Horrific. Also, speaking of height, why was the Elon backetball team in Indy last week? I saw them at the airport; they're for sure not Big Ten...did they get lost? Anyway, they are all CRAZY short!! The tallest one couldn't be more than like 6'4. I don't know anything about them, but I imagine a game against those guys looks suspiciously like a cruel game of monkey in the middle with tall guys keeping the ball away from these shorties.)

OK, so I am checking my bag and the lady looks up at me and sees my lip and says "Ouch! Your lip looks painful. Did your boyfriend get angry or something?" and THEN SHE LAUGHED! It warms my heart during this holiday season to know that even in this politically correct world where people who aren't Christian have the NERVE not to wish everyone a Merry Christmas* there are still good folks who find the humor in domestic abuse. GOD BLESS AMERICA!



*(oh, I'm not letting this go, you guys. In fact, expect a ressurgance of this in a couple of months when the movie of The Da Vinci Code comes out and the same people who pulled out the First Ammendment in order to FORCE people to say religious things complain and want the movie censored. I LOVE the smell of hypocrisy in the morning!)

JOY TO THE WORLD!!

To the old, hateful bitch at the hair salon today who bragged about how she called her daughter's office and the receptionist had the NERVE to say "happy holidays" to which she replied" and a Merry Christmas to YOU!" which really "taught her a lesson", I offer you a blessing, as my people are apt to do: may your Christmas tree fall on your head and kill you. You know, to teach you a lesson.

I can't remember ever being so angry at a total stranger IN MY LIFE. This country sucks so hard I can't believe it sometimes. I'm sure that all the normal, non-fundamental Christians (you know, the ones for whom this holiday is actually religiously important and who believe there should be a feeling of peace and love surrounding it) totally appreciate you USING CHRISTMAS AS A THREAT, you dumb witch. It makes me scared that they have decided that everyone in the country needs to observe their RELIGIOUS holiday. It's racist and facist and dumbassict (I might have made that last one up, but I need symmetry in my sentence construction, yo.)

Also I think it is weird that these people have decided that they WANT the religous persecution that they have inflicted on people throughout history so much that they are making up problems and drama to get it. WHAT. I'm sorry guys, truly I am. If I could go back in time and change it around so the Jews were the ones torching YOU during the Spanish Inquisition, I totally would. Alas, my hands are tied (MUCH LIKE THE HANDS OF MY PEOPLE AS YOU BEAT AND TORTURED THEM TO GET THEM TO CONVERT TO YOUR RELIGION).

I dare someone to respond with a self-righteous "Merry Christmas" after I tell them "Happy Holidays". I already have a plan of action. First I say "Oh...excuse me. I didn't know that you didn't observe New Years-hence the "s" on the end of the word holiday-I apologize!" And then I kick them in the face. MAYBE I shove a dreidel up their ass and beat them with one of those Kwanzaa menorah-type things. I haven't worked out the details.


So to all of my COOL Christian friend who are not terrorists: MERRY CHRISTMAS and I have no issue saying that because, duh, it is Christmas, it's an important holiday for you, and you're not forcing me to say it. Have a wonderful holiday, enjoy your family, and say a little prayer for the wicked case of chlamydia that Bill O' Reilly is WAY overdue for.















And now that I've brought everyone down and people are pissed off...just look at that mullet, that sweet, sweet mullet. Oh, Sir Paul, the 70's were cruel to you. No matter. One look at that coif...and all religous controversy is forgotten

I'm not totally convinced it's worth 1000 words

Ok, who remembers when I almost lost Mr. Espinosa to hypothermia in January of 2003ish when I made him pose in Dunn Meadow for appx. 34 hours for that damn photojournalism class? And then we went to lunch somewhere on Kirkwood and I totally accidentally exposed the film for about the 14th time because it was a manual camera and, as I am not living in 1957, I am not accustomed to manual cameras? Well, if you don't remember, it was pretty bad. He was so good though, I didn't know what I was doing and I made him pose in these ridiculous angles (on this one I think he is actually standing up on an icy railing outside the Chemistry building, where he worked and could very well run into people that he knew.) I also did a whole photo shoot inside Eric's lab, a series of pictures that I entitled "AAAAAAAAH how do I make the light not look yellow and oh crap I just exposed the film AGAIN!!" It was terrible for everyone involved.

WELL, I was talking to people in my magazine reporting class the other day-they are all younger than me, I was a year ahead-and we started talking about this class (it's required of all journalism majors) and guess what I learned? THE SEMESTER AFTER I (and like a bajillion of my friends) took this class, THEY SWITCHED ENTIRELY TO DIGITAL. And, to make it a shitload worse, THEY DON'T HAVE DISCUSSION SECTIONS ANYMORE!!!! Yeah. I am serious. AND AND AND NONE OF THEM HAD THE STEVE!!!! I DON'T THINK HE TEACHES IT ANYMORE!! True, he was the reason that I got to meet and bond with The Jillian, and for that I am greatful, but he was also the most insane non-human walking the planet. I knew that for a fact when he bragged to the class that when he was at some airport in Africa when a BOMB exploded and people were lying there dying and he....TOOK OUT HIS CAMERA. This was not something that he happened to discover while he was working and decided to document. He was traveling, a patron of the airport, and he chose not to help dying people on the floor of the terminal. Aces. This was the one time when I seriously considered a change in career paths. Because as the daughter of two lawyers, I know how it is to be in a profession where people view you as a soul-less ( and I don't mean in the r&b sense, people) leech.


And on a completely unrelated note, I'd like you all to know that I still suffer from extreme delusions of grandeur. As you can see from the picture at right, in my head I believe that I can play the guitar, and also look GREAT without my hair brushed or make-up applied ( and I'm fairly certain that there's no bra underneath that classy Jack Daniel's t-shirt, but that's neither here nor there- anyway, it's obstructed by that instrument that I don't even know how to hold yet somehow convinced myself I could play). I forced my brother to document this act, by the way. I never once said that I don't sometimes suck, you guys. If you want to call me a loser, it does not do much to my psyche; in fact, I will even provide the photographic evidence for you.

I kick ass with a camera.

"Hey, hey, we're the Monkees!"

Ok, Beatles final exam tomorrow. To help me study, I wrote out notes on some of the songs with interesting facts/stories behind them. Is this just a desperate attempt to get someone to talk about The Beatles with me? Possibly. Is it also just an excuse to post more pictures of George in order to convince people of how GORGEOUS he was? Of...course not. I reject the accusation...

Please Please Me-JOHN AND PAUL-First number 1 in the UK. The rumor is that John wrote it because Cynthia wasn't...willing to do...certain things. And so he wrote a song about it. And sang it to the world. Because boys do crap like that.

Love Me Do-JOHN AND PAUL- First Beatle recording with "real" line-up-George Martin wouldn't let Ringo play because he already hired musician Andy White to fill in on drums for the recently fired Pete Best.

I Want To Hold Your Hand-JOHN AND PAUL-First Beatle #1 in the US, first Beatle song recorded with 4 track tape recorder.

Day Tripper-JOHN- Reference to tripping, and not in the falling down sense, kiddies. The line "she's a big teaser/she took me half the way there" was supposed to be "she's a prick teaser" and that was wisely censored by George Martin because, holy hell, if the grown-ups had issues with the long hair and Elvis' hips, I think all of America over the age of 30 would have had one giant collective heart-attack.

Paperback Writer-PAUL- Another of my favorites. Because I can not WAIT until I write the great American novel and I go on Oprah and she says "so, what is this book about?" and I will say "well, Oprah, it's a dirty story, about a dirty man. His clinging wife just doesn't understand." John and George are saying "fraire-Jacques" or however one might choose to spell that French nursery rhyme title in the background, and now that I've told you that you will never listen to the song without hearing it again. One of my favorite Beatles stories is about this song; the part where they are all saying "paaaaaperback wriiiiiiter" is actually 8 voices (all of the Beatles sang, and then overdubbed it) so they clearly couldn't even come close to recreating this song onstage. So they'd sing it, and whenever they got to that part, George would smile and wave at a random area of the audience and the girls would scream so loudly that no one could hear them mess up.

Rain-JOHN-First use of backwards lyrics on any song, ever. Want to see stoned Beatles? Watch the promo video.

A Hard Day's Night-JOHN- Written specifically for the film, after Ringo was quoted in an interview after leaving the studio using the phrase that he made up. Ringo plays bongos, George plays 12 string guitar, George Martin on piano in the solo.

You've Got To Hide Your Love Away-JOHN- Many believe it's about Brian Epstein, the Beatles manager, who was gay and hid his sexuality for his entire life for fear of hurting the Beatles (many also think that John had a thing with him, but...debatable).

Yesterday-PAUL-The number one most covered song of all time. Paul by himself (first time ever solo Beatle on a Beatle album) on acoustic guitar with string quartet. Paul dreamt the melody and was convinced that it was someone else's song that he was just remembering. He put the words "scrambled eggs" to it (just to have some lyrics) and played it for everyone that he knew before finally realizing that he did in fact compose it in his sleep. So, yeah. Paul McCartney is a better musician thann you EVEN WHEN HE IS UNCONCIOUS.

Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)-JOHN-Ok, so first of all, this is the song where George uses the sitar for the first time (the first use of the sitar in pop music, too) and so that is a big deal. But the biggest thing with this song is that it's like a coded story about John's affair with Maureen Cleave, a reporter (the one who later wrote the story where John is quoted talking about the whole Jesus thing). And Norweigan wood is just this really cheap wood that crappy furniture was made out of (like Ikea of the 60's!). In the last stanza that says "this bird has flown", bird is being used in the British slang sense, not as in the carriers of the flu that is going to kill us all. And I LOVE this song. Because I am going to support anything that encourages an affair between cute British rockstars and journalists, always.

Nowhere Man -JOHN- John wrote it about himself, which isn't nearly as fun (I was expecting a really good story because this song is kind of mean, ya'll). And it has the distinction of being the first Beatles song to abandon the theme of love completely.

The Word-JOHN- The word is love, man. First hint at psychedelia

Girl-JOHN-Really pretty, Greek inspired music, but the greatest part about this song is what George and Paul are saying in the background. They're repeating "tit" over and over because they thought it would be hilarious. And I've said it before, I'll say it again; this song is undeniable proof that a 24 year old boy is a 24 year old boy, regardless of how much money they have.

Taxman-GEORGE-George's big breakout song, it opens Revolver, and it generally kicks ass. Basically George found out that they were being taxed this insane amount of money because they were so wealthy. Has the first references to real people in a Beatles song-Harold Wilson was the prime minister of England in 1963. Paul gets the guitar solo, and it is pretty insane. Also, listening to George say the word "declare" in his accent WILL make you kind of fall in love with him (that's scientifically proven, ps)

Eleanor Rigby--PAUL-Paul with a string octet. He's a big liar, too, and always claimed that he made up the name, which he probably did subconsciously, but if you go to the church where John and Paul first met in 1957, and Paul probably never really returned to, you will see a headstone with the name Eleanor Rigby on it. Creeeeepy.

I'm Only Sleeping-JOHN- If you don't believe that George Harrison was a musical genius and so underrated that it's sick, please allow me to change your mind. The guitar solo in this song? BACKWARDS. So why does it sound like real chords, only kind of weird? BECAUSE GEORGE WROTE IT BACKWARDS. Yeah. When you play the song backwards, you hear how George wrote it and recorded it, and it sounds like a bunch of noise that sounds like nothing. He wrote a guitar solo backwards, guys. Sick.

Here, There And Everywhere-PAUL-Paul's trying to sound like Marianne Faithful here, Mick Jagger's girlfriend at the time.

Yellow Submarine-RINGO- Written by John and Paul for Ringo, Beatle wives, engineers, roadies all sing on it.

And Your Bird Can Sing-JOHN- Crazy good dual guitar solo, Paul and George, this song played in my head non-stop for a good three weeks, but I'll forgive it.

Doctor Robert-JOHN- FIRST OVERT DRUG REFERENCE IN A BEATLES SONG, GUYS. About a real doctor in LA who had all the good stuff for all the rockstars. Also, just picture George playing maracas. So cute.

Got To Get You Into My Life-PAUL- And keeping with the theme, and sorry to ruin this song for everyone, it's about marijuana. Oh, Paul.

Tomorrow Never Knows-JOHN- Insane, basically. The Grateful Dead were walking down the street in San Francisco, they heard this song in a store, and they went on to make many, many crazy songs for years to come.

With A Little Help From My Friends-RINGO- Banned for a drug reference that's not a drug reference! The "I get high"part is honestly just about depending on your friends, for REAL.

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds-JOHN-Not about LSD; based on a picture drawn by his son Julian entitled, you guessed it, "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds".

Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite!-JOHN-Lyrics taken completely from a vintage poster John owned.

Lovely Rita-PAUL-Paul recorded this in one afternoon; he wrote it after someone told him that the women who read the parking meters in the US were called "meter maids", and he thought it was so hilarious.

Good Morning, Good Morning-JOHN-About cornflakes.

A Day In The Life-JOHN AND PAUL- Again, banned for the "I'd love to turn you on" part, which was slang for getting someone high. Reference to the man who "blew his mind out in a car" is about the Guiness heir who was friendsneighborhoodeatles and died in a car crash (in the South Kensington nighborhood that I lived in while in London, as a matter of fact).

Penny Lane-PAUL- Actual place in Liverpool; the "pretty nurse selling poppies" is a reference to Paul's late mother, who was indeed a nurse. ALSO has probably the dirtiest lyric, a Liverpool slang term that all of middle America probably thought was just a charming little British term and thought nothing of it. And yes, it's exactly the line that you think it is.

All You Need Is Love-JOHN- Recorded live in front of a television audience; opens with the medley national anthem as a show of good will towards France. Ends with a medely of songs from the ages, including "Greensleeves" and the Beatles own "She Loves You"

Dear Prudence-JOHN- Written in India about Mia Farrow's sister, who meditated for hours on end and refused to leave her tent

The Continuing Story Of Bungalow Bill-JOHN- First appearance of Yoko on a Beatles song! About a real guy who came to India to do the whole meditation thing with them and then shot and killed a tiger. The guy was so distraught by this song that he went on to work for National Geographic and became an animal-rights activist.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps-GEORGE- Eric Clapton was brought in to play lead guitar by George, because he knew that everyone would stop fighting and behave themselves if another person was at the recording session.

I'm So Tired-JOHN- Let's hear it for a Virginia reference! Sir Walter Raleigh, involved in bringing tobacco, and, therefore cigarettes, to Britain. What what.

Piggies-GEORGE- The line "what they need's a damn good whacking" was written by George's mom.

Julia-JOHN-Nothing much to say, except that this might be the most beautiful song ever recorded in life. It's about John's mom who died when he wasa teenager, but "ocean child" is the translation of the word "Yoko"

Sexy Sadie-JOHN- The lyrics read "Maharishi" until the last moment when they changed it to sexy Sadie. Written after the Beatles left India and Mia Farrow lied about the Maharishi sexually assaulting her. So it's about an Indian guru, not a woman.

Helter Skelter-PAUL- Paul wrote it in response to a review that called a Who song the most badass rock and roll song of all time. Yeah, this is crazy; Sir Paul can rock it out.

Savoy Truffle-GEORGE-About Eric Clapton's chocolate addiction, almost every lyric comes from the back of a candy box.

Come Together-JOHN- Really cool song, possible reference to George ("hair down to his knees") enjoyable until you realize that John is saying "shoot me" in the background at the beginning and between the stanzas, and that somehow ruins it a little.

Something-GEORGE- Frank Sinatra called it his favorite Lennon/McCartney song, even though it's a Harrison song. One of the greatest love songs on the planet for real, though, and Harrison denied that it was about Pattie, and instead said that he was thinking about Ray Charles. And now that I've typed that , I kind of regret the picture below, but what can you do...

Maxwell's Silver Hammer-PAUL- Kind of creepy, kind of weird, and the best George Harrison quote came out of this song-he could never understand how Paul could just make up fake people and write songs about them, he thought it was so weird- "Sometimes Paul would make us do these really fruity songs. I mean, "Maxwell's Silver Hammer", my God." Ringo plays an anvil (and come on, you can see why he began to felt under-utilized and not appreciated in the band).

Let It Be-PAUL- Not about Christianity- "Mother Mary" is Paul's actual mother, Mary, who passed away when he was a child. While he was fighting with John during this album, Paul got this vision where his mom came to him and said "let it be", something she used to tell Paul and his brother whenever they were arguing.

Hey Jude-PAUL- Biggest selling single of the 60's in the US, written by Paul for Julian after Cynthia and John split up.

I'm just a Bill, yes I'm only a Bill...

"I am not going to let oppressive, totalitarian, anti-Christian forces in this country diminish and denigrate the holiday and the celebration. I am not going to let it happen. I'm gonna use all the power that I have on radio and television to bring horror into the world of people who are trying to do that."
--Bill O'Reilly

Oh, Bill. Oooooooooooooh Bill.

I'm not sure about what to say here, really...normally I don't put much stock into the words of a Crazy. I just let them do their thing, let them insulate their houses with tin-foil to deter alien/government forces from stealing their thoughts. But this...is too wonderful to pass up. I waited a full 24 hours before writing this, but now I see that it did no good; my blood pressure is still at epic levels and I'm fairly certain that my chai latte won't be to blame for the foam that is about to start forming on my mouth.

O'Dumbass' comments are not the most anti-Everyonewhoisn'tchristian that I read yesterday which is a real treasure in itself. Hopefully everyone read the MSNBC article, but if you didn't, you can find it here. Read it. I'll wait.

Ready? Let's do this.

Ok, so the most amazing thing about this article is not that people like this exist and are allowed to live in my country, but that I actually agreed with a move made by George Bush which is just mindblowing. They are mad because the WHITE HOUSE holiday card doesn't mention Christmas. So, Laura and George Bush are Christians. And if they want to send out personal cards to their friends and family with pictures of Mary and Joseph and the whole manger crowd, that's fine. But when it's the President and First Lady, let's not violate the Constitution. They also have their tinsel in a twist because people are saying "Happy Holidays" and not "Merry Christmas". Now, ok, 1.) there are multiple holidays, kids. Even if you are talking to someone Christian, there is also New Years a mere 5 days away. Happy Holidays is not excluding Christmas, it's INLCUDING New Years you idiots. Also, the idea that someone working at a store who might not even be Christian HAS to wish you a Merry Christmas is so insulting and self-righteous it makes me sick. I wouldn't go up to a random co-worker and wish them a Happy Channukah. And I'm sorry to say and I mean no offense to anyone, but wishing a non-Christian person a Merry Christmas is worse than wishing a gentile person Happy Channukah, basically because of the history that Christianity has with trying to convert people, sometimes violently and forcefully. I understand that part of Christianity has to do with converting and "witnessing" to people, and ok, it is what it is, I may not like it, but it's a fact, just as how upset and hurtful it is to people is a fact as well.

Some bitchin quotes from the article:

"Bush "claims to be a born-again, evangelical Christian. But he sure doesn't act like one," said Joseph Farah, editor of the conservative Web site WorldNetDaily.com. "I threw out my White House card as soon as I got it."

Let's follow Mr. Farah's line of thinking (it's going to be hard, as not many of us are well-versed in lunatic). Basically, he wants his political figures to act not with United States laws, but according to their own religious doctrine. OK, crazy enough, but we all have our opinions, it's just the way he thinks society should be, right? Except here's the problem with people like him, like most religious radicals: hypocrisy. I may be wrong here, but I highly doubt that if our president was Buddhist, Farah would be criticizing him for not promoting meditation (something far less dangerous than insisting that everyone accept Jesus into their life, when you think about it). No, he wants this to be a Christian country. If he was upset with Bush for not upholding his religious beliefs in a strictly religious sense (i.e., Bush is cutting out of church services and smoking in the bathroom, or whatever) no problem. Actually wanting the president to promote his religion through his political office? You're a joke.

And, my personal favorite:

"Ninety-six percent of Americans celebrate Christmas," Donohue said. "Spare me the diversity lecture."

Oh, classy. CLASSY. You know what though? Even if the Jews in this country amount to only like .000003 percent of the population, YOUR RELIGION WOULDN'T BE HERE WITHOUT MINE. Jesus was Jewish, you...must not curse. Ok. The Muslim and Christian faiths derived from mine. And the Muslims were here before you! This is what I've never understood about anti-semitism; if you hate us so much then GIVE US BACK OUR BOOK!! It's bad enough that you call it the "Old" Testament. If we don't even count, if we are such a minor, insignificant afterthought for people like Donohue, then they don't get to take what they want from our religion anymore. We're taking back the 10 Commandments, Noah, Jonah, Moses, everyone. Also, we'll be needing Genesis back too, so you can make up your own creation story. Might I suggest something like "And then God vomited and out came Ann Coulter. And it wasn't good, but thankfully we don't have to look at her busted face, as we haven't gotten around to the light thing. "

Here's another thing; I don't understand people who get so vehemently opposed to being politically correct. If something offends someone because of their ethnic, religious, or sexual beliefs, just don't effing do it, man. I'm a girl from Washington, and I'm all about the Redskins. But if a Native American group is insulted because they view it as a racial slur? CHANGE THE MOTHERLOVING NAME. It does not affect me! We can still have a totally over-hyped football team. But if it bothers someone else on such a personal level, then make the change.

One of my favorite things ever in this life is when Christians act persecuted. Because, what?!?! WHAT?!?! You're not. Not now, not really ever actually. If you think this way, you must clearly also agree with the KKK when they say how difficult it is to be a white man in America today. Give me a BREAK. Why do people actively seek out ways to be victimized? We love it these days. If you are in the majority, good for you, you've got it easy, now make it your business not to make life harder for everyone else.

If Christians felt for one second what it was like to really feel alienated, to actually feel in DANGER because of their religion, they would never make these ludicrous claims or insist on something so miniscule and pointless. Not only do I find the fact that they are actually making a big deal about this so pathetic, I'm insulted. When I was a kid, the JCC was defaced with swastikas, and when the community rallied and held a Channukah celebration a few weeks later, it was interrupted with a bomb threat. I was ashamed of myself for years when I sat in silence as a high-school classmate who wasn't aware of my religion told a "joke" about the Holocaust. The second day of my college life a girl who lived across the hall from me came back to the dorms and told us she left a party because there were "too many damn Jews". I've sat through countless "wow, you don't look Jewish!" remarks as the speaker tried not too look at my nose in wonderment. And I consider myself lucky; someone actually set fire to the mosque in Bloomington. As a kid my father and his brothers were mercilessly beaten because they were the only Jewish family in their upstate New York town. If you're seriously angered that the Wal-Mart checker didn't wish you a Merry Christmas? It's good to be you, and your life is way to easy.

Some lady from Ohio was on CNN talking about the whole campaign, and she threw around some great sound-bites, such as "people are sick of not being allowed to celebrate Christmas" "declare Jesus as the center of the season", and "put Christ back in Christmas"

If you truly believe that anyone other than Christians are responsible for their holiday not being Jesus-centric anymore, you are clearly delusional, and maybe that tin foil is wrapped too tightly around your head. I applaud Christians saying that they want the focus back on the religious aspect of it! Because this means no more stupid claymation Rudolph and Frosty! And I won't have to see red and green everywhere I go! And no more fat men with white beards!! Right?!?! WRONG. It's crap, and I don't believe for a second that these people want to give up all of that.

Here's the thing that makes me so frustrated, and ALWAYS has. Christians never, ever, EVER have to choose between their religious and secular lives. Schools and offices are CLOSED for their holiday. It's mind-blowing to me, and it must be nice, something that myself, other Jews, Muslims, and everyone else in this country will probably never experience. The kicker? Religiously, they don't even need it. We are prohibited to work on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, yet little 8 year old Jenn had to worry about what her teachers thought when she missed days during the second week of the new school year. Religious freedom in this country often feels like it's ONLY for the Christians a lot of the time; don't complain about wanting everyone else to celebrate your holiday. Enjoy how easy it is for you to do it yourself.

Back to Bill, I don't know what to say really, except "LOOFAH! LOOFAH!LOOFAH!" He's a total joke, but I feel like we have to take him seriously, because this kind of dillusional behavior from such a morally corrupt person who SEES NO HYPOCRISY in his actions is scary. Plus the radical Christian who vowed to vows to bring "horror into the world" of people who don't share his religious beliefs? Eh, it's a little too Hitler-esque for my personal taste.

And our friends are all aboard...

I know, I KNOW, but the last post is too, too sad, so just read this. So in 71, post break-up, in the middle of the whole song war between John and Paul where they were just writing these horrible lyrics about each other, Ringo came out with this song (George plays on it, which explains the words). Read the lyrics, it does NOT get cuter-each verse is about a Beatle (Paul's is a little sketch but NOT mean, especially considering what was going on at the time). Ok, check it out:

"Early 1970", by Richard Starkey

Lives on a farm, got plenty of charm, beep, beep.

He's got no cows but he's sure got a whole lotta sheep.

And brand new wife and a family,

And when he comes to town,I wonder if he'll play with me.

Laying in bed, watching tv, cookie!

With his mama by his side, she's japanese.

They scream and they cried, now they're free,

And when he comes to town,

I know he's gonna play with me.

He's a long-haired, cross-legged guitar picker, um-um.

With his long-legged lady in the garden picking daisies for his soup.

A forty acre house he doesn't see,

'Cause he's always in town

Playing for you with me.

I play guitar, a - d - e.

I don't play bass 'cause that's too hard for me.

I play the piano if it's in c.

And when i go to town i wanna see all three,

And when i go to town i wanna see all three,

And when i go to town i wanna see all three.

"I still believe that love is all you need"

"We were the hip ones of the '60s, but the world is not like the '60s. It's a whole massive change, and we're going into an unknown future. But we're still all here. While there's life there's hope."
-John Lennon, Dec. 8, 1980, 5 hours before he was killed

"All we are saying
is give peace a chance"

Q: "What do you miss the most about John Lennon?"
George Harrison, 2001: "John Lennon"

Love, Love, Love.
Love, Love, Love.
Love, Love, Love.

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy.

Nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
It's easy.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

Nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.

All you need is love (All together, now!)
All you need is love (Everybody!)
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need (love is all you need).

"It just was a gradual development over the years. I mean last year was 'all you need is love.' This year, it's 'all you need is love and peace, baby.' Give peace a chance, and remember Love. The only hope for us is peace. Violence begets violence. You can have peace as soon as you like if we all pull together. You're all geniuses, and you're all beautiful. You don't need anyone to tell you who you are. You are what you are. Get out there and get peace, think peace, and live peace and breathe peace, and you'll get it as soon as you like."

“When I was about twelve, I used to think I must be a genius, but nobody's noticed....If there is such a thing as a genius... I am one, and if there isn't, I don't care."

"I really thought that love would save us all."

There's beauty in the breakdown. And also, all the good drugs

Only one of the following three statements are true:
Today I...
1. Woke up bright and early, ready to greet the day!
2. Studied for impending finals
3. Ordered the Beatles Anthology DVD's at 4am when I couldn't sleep and Dan stopped returning my e-mails and was therefore left friendless in cyber space, hence the money spending at dawn was not entirely my fault.

If you get this right, you win...the opportunity to save me from myself.

Now, I'm not a mental health professional (except, don't tell that to my clients, I need rent money). But I'd venture to say that the fact that I almost killed a total stranger sitting next to me in a computer lab just because he was breathing SO SO SO SO LOUDLY through his nose is a good indicator that I need a break from school, ASAP. I had the nerve to turn and glare at him. Like, what would I have said if he looked at me?!?! Yell at him for breathing?! I need to hire someone whose sole job is to walk around with me all day and just tell me to breathe, count to ten, and calm down. Kind of like a daycare worker.

Ok, normally I avoid "Punk'd" at all cost, because it makes me feel uncomfortable-I hate the fighting and the weird feelings, etc. But as I'm writing this, Ellen Pompeo is slooooooowly killing her career. I don't know what she did to Ashton to make him not edit this segment more to her favor. But dear GOD this is terrible. And I love"Grey's Anatomy" with all my soul (Grey? Gray? I know it's a play on the book title, so one is Gray, the other is Grey, but I always forget which is which since that show started. In the time it took for me to write this, I could have visited IMDB, but, no, for you I expose the delicate process that a writer undergoes for her craft). My third favorite George is on it(the first one clearly being the one who fathered me. If you don't know the second, please refer to..oh, I don't know, every single other post in the history of this blog)! But good lord Pompeo-first of all, you look totally busted (I'm afraid she's going to reach up, snap off her own clavicle, and cut that waitress with it). Seriously, I feel like if she gained just like 5 pounds, she'd look 10 years younger. Right now there are veins and stabby bones, and it just squicks me out. And her accent is insane. And apparently she is very, very mean. Clearly she needs to book some time in the break room with Dr. McDreamy. Stat.

OK, change of channel. "Great Balls of Fire" is on CMT. I've avoided this movie for a couple of years, ever since I heard some rather unseemly outtakes of Jerry Lee Lewis saying some rather raunchy things during a recording session that Gass played in my History of Rock, pt. 1 class sophomore year. But the movie is...not so terrible. Only Dennis Quaid can make marrying your 13 year old cousin seem oh so right.

How bout them Colts?

I'm not going to lie to you, I'm not 100% sure what a "winter weather advisory" is exactly. Because, well...it IS winter. I don't need to be advised to the fact that the weather outside is wintry in nature. I would expect a warning, though, if it started snowing in July or something. That would be a useful advisory.

ALSO, and this is very exciting, I would like to officially announce that I am now a Colts fan. That's right folks! Now that they are winning, I like them. Redskins fans know heartache, and, as a Hoosier, it doesn't get much worse than last season. So from now on I wait until a team is on top to offer my devotion, and as soon as they begin to lose, I yank it away. I'll probably adopt this as a parenting philosophy in the future as well.

I wanted to include here a little anecdote which will provide irrefutable evidence to the fact that everyone involved with the HPER (it's like, health and physical recreation or whatever, I don't know) department (except for maybe, like, 7 people in the entire school, for real) are just not playing with a full deck. Think of everyone who sucked in your high-school . Like the "jocks" or whatever, but not the cool, nice ones, the lame, overly-angry, sexist, creepy ones (oh, this includes women as well, by the way) and imagine they all chose the exact same major. I'm taking this batshit crazy class called "Violence and Safety in the Workplace" because it was literally the only 8 week class open in the ENTIRE university. And it's terribly apparent who is taking it because they needed more credit hours and who is taking it because they need it for their HPER "major". The latter sit in class and talk loudly and make fun of people who ask questions. Seriously. All of a sudden I feel like I am in high-school again. Clearly I don't say a single word during that class, but the people who do have to now worry about looking bad for being smart or being uncool because they are trying to learn!??! The hell?!? This guy, I don't know if he was a professor or what but he was totally dressed like a gym teacher, came in and gave everyone a survey to fil out. He said, and this is a direct quote, that the survey was to "see if HPER students were more likely to be successful in online classes". So, as a responsible journalist who didn't want to skew the findings, I told this guy that I wasn't in HPER. And he told me, seriously, "IT'S OK JUST DO IT ANYWAY". Even though there was no place to indicate that you had a different major or anything. And THEN afterwards he came up to me and thanked me for my concern, but that it would be ok because the survey would merely show if students who took a lot of HPER classes would be more likely to be successful in online classes. I could take no more idiocy, so I looked him in the eye and said "I'm not likely to take HPER classes. I didn't take this by choice. I needed an 8 week class and this was the only one open" and then I peaced out. I felt a little bad about acting snobbily, but not really, because having a department like this cheapens my degree. Because I take real classes with real teachers who do not suck. PLEASE NOTE: If you are a HPER major or you date one or your best friend is one or blah blah blah, fine, I'm totally sure that they are one of the good ones...honestly. No, seriously, I am sure there are smart people majoring in that, and to them I have but one question: "Why?!?!"

Also, the non-stop loop of Beatles in my head has been temporarily replaced by the entire soundtrack of "Rent" and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IT WON'T STOP. Singing about AIDS in the middle of the union computer lab is just inconvenient.

Turn me on

Some brief TV talking points, if you will (and I know you, and you WILL)...

-What on earth was Wednesday like B.S. (Before Sawyer)? I don't remember such a world; I'll bet there was significantly less guilty lusting over slightly dirty, slightly angry, crazy hot Southern bad boys trapped on islands, I can tell you that much. What a dark time in the history of our species, for sure. Why didn't Sci-Fi-ish writers ever think about including sweaty shirtless men chopping wood in order to boost their viewership amongst women before? I could get down with Star Trek if that were the case

-Fox cancelled "Arrested Development", and yet....have added "Skating With the Stars" to their line-up. Dead serious here. What happens to silicone when exposed to frigid temperatures?! Can Antonio Sabato Jr. do a triple blah blah insert dumb ass skating term here?! Is it possible for my head to actually combust simply from viewing something so assinine that it pushes me right over the edge? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT.

-Speaking of my fave channel...what. Is. Up. With. The. O. C. FOR REALS. I watched it the other day and I was....kind of confused. First of all, WHY do they repeat literally the exact same plot every season?! It goes like this : Ryan, aka The Oldest High-Schooler Of All Tyme, And Yes Tyme Is Spelled In The Old Fashioned Way Because He Is So Olde That He Was Brought Home From The Hospital In A Horse And Buggy, is a bad boy. He gets Saved and he is Good and Popular and he wears Ralph Lauren. Then Marissa does something stupid/violent/illegal and almost bursts a blood vessel trying to "act" distraught about it (seriously...I think she's literally made of wood, ya'll). Ryan must return to his It's Very Hard Being A Young White Man In America, So Hard In Fact That When I Go To My Old Neighborhood The Video Is Shot In This Grainy Blue Filter So You Know How Hard My Life Is persona and change into his I Beat Bitches Up wifebeater and kick a little ass to defend her "honor" (which is taking a loooooooooooooong ass lunch at the Ivy with her Dignity and Acting Abilities) and then he gets in trouble and then he runs away because "Oh! I can't live with myself, I am a monster, I wonder what would happen if I just kicked this bitch to the curb, maybe I could have a successful life sans knife-fights, but oh no perish the thought because this is LOOOOOOVE." And THEN, and this is my favorite part, Adam "Self-Loathing Jew That All The Gentile Ladies Find Charmingly Neurotic And Want To Introduce To Jesus So He Can Save His Matzah-Loving Ass" Brody cries about losing his one friend, even though this friend is like 38 and shouldn't be hanging around him anyway, and then Eyebrows Mcgee swoops in and saves the day. AND THIS IS REPEATED EVERY SINGLE SEASON.

-Also, on the OC there is a guy who is actually named "Johnny". Yes, he is over the age of 4, and goes by "Johnny". I don't know what to say about this. I know people named John, and sometimes I might tack on the "ny" to the end just to be cute, but seriously I can't help but be cute a lot of the time. But to stand up in your high-school history class and say "What up, my name's Johnny" makes me want to say "Hey, Johnny, we're gonna rumble with the Jets after we get a malted, gee whiz!". Also, this "Johnny" is part of the Impossibly Cute/Clever/Witty/Tan group of kids that go to the regular, non Coach sponsored, public school. I'm not entirely convinced that the writers of this show were ever actually in high-school, or ever actually lived around humans, but the dialogue that they write? INSANE.


I would also like to take this opportunity to announce the launch of Jennivision, my own channel, on which i shall sit in a chair and just complain about everything that is on all of the other channels. But not actually do anything to change it. Because that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I roll.